Though one in four pregnancies ends in loss, miscarriage is shrouded in such secrecy and stigma that the woman who experiences it often feels deeply isolated, unsure how to process her grief. Her body seems to have betrayed her. Her confidence in the goodness of God is rattled. Her loved ones don’t know what to say. Her heart is broken. She may feel guilty, ashamed, angry, depressed, confused, or alone.
With vulnerability and tenderness, Adriel Booker shares her own experience of three consecutive miscarriages, as well as the stories of others. She tackles complex questions about faith and suffering with sensitivity and clarity, inviting women to a place of grace, honesty, and hope in the redemptive purposes of God without offering religious cliches and pat answers. She also shares specific, practical resources, such as ways to help guide children through grief, suggestions for memorializing your baby, and advice on pregnancy after loss, as well as a special section for loved ones.
Out May 1, 2018
I received this book in exchange for my honest review.
This is a topic that I’m more than familiar with. I’ve had six miscarriages throughout my marriage with the last one nearly killing me in 2008. At that time, there was very little out there on the topic like this book that would offer help and understanding with current up-to-date information to share.
So when I saw this listed with Baker Books, I had to get it for reviewing. After reading the book, I let it sit for a few days. There were many things that I didn’t agree with that the author shared but she was bang on for a lot more. Of course, how I handle my emotions and another would when it comes to loss, well we are all individuals. So with keeping that in mind, I would offer the following:
There is a strong Christian element in this book. Where the author makes assumptions that “your body betrayed you.., I would say the opposite. We miscarry for reasons, mainly physical. The pregnant body knows when things are just not right with a pregnancy and it is my belief, that the body rids itself of a pregnancy when whatever is wrong is critical. I had difficulty carrying a child, knew I’d have issues. Also, I have a special needs child, that my body did not reject because other than her disorder, there was nothing wrong with the pregnancy. Anything that came up, happened much later after Katie was born–things that we could deal with medically.
I think a woman’s body is an amazing device for reproduction, made in such a way to bring life into the world. Sometimes, this is not possible, but it doesn’t mean there’s something ‘wrong’ with the woman. I strongly believe, that her purpose in life is not to be a mother but to be something else, perhaps, a doctor, researcher, best friend, good wife, lovely and fun auntie… whatever it is, not having children doesn’t mean she is less a woman.
The best advice I can offer anyone who knows of someone who’s suffered a miscarriage is to be compassionate but not patronizing, strong but not invasive. Time does heal, I would know.
The other thing I can say, is for the woman who’s suffered to be honest with herself… there will be pain and feelings of loss, so grieve, then take care of yourself. If you love children that much, then involve yourself with children’s groups– it does help. I opened a dance studio for over 22 years using my background, and I have “many children” now because of it.
Be a mentor. As a published author, I go to many places and talk to kids, share my Iggy Squiggles series with them and talk about writing. I have a ball, and yup, kids do say the funniest things.
Do not close yourself off. Get out in the sunshine and thank God you are alive every day, because life is very precious, even yours.
I gave this book: